How long has it been, since a single face had the power to buckle my knees?
Can't remember.
Does it matter?
Not really.
We get older, supposedly smarter. Care less about the packaging. So why do I pine after Tim Riggins...??
Wonder if I'll ever have anyone who takes my breath away like that again. Or if from now on it's just about understanding and empathy, a sense of humanity, a conscious effort to reach out, to love. To close the gap, exteriority be amned.
As opposed to having your heart pound so loud your head feels crowded with how badly you simply, sheerly want THAT PERSON.
Now it's tenderness, not desire.
Now it's tenderness, not desire.
Experience, not ambush.
Saying aww, not WOW JESUS GOD.
With certain people always feel my worst. Aggressive, unevolved. Impulsive, selfish. Ridiculous. Deluded. Adolescent: Lazy, insensitive, shallow. Typically female. Excessively self-centered (but then, how not to be when you live alone?) As well as unable to rise above either my self or the society I live in. Apolitical. Uninformed. Hopeless. Flighty. Alone. Sad. Without resources. Living off other people. Not working hard enough!
News news news! (we goan gitchoo!)
Or: SELF-PORTRAIT OF A NOT-SO-YOUNG WOMAN IN HER MID-FORTIES.
Hip hip. Fuck off. Hip hip. Fuck off. Hip hip.
Yeah, I'LL say hip hip!
Yeah, I'LL say hip hip!
Fuck off.
31 March, 2009
soon, I will be dead
(HOW soon? Not soon enough).
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